By Linda Aaker
Although the categorical information are just one woman's reports, this booklet is, in a feeling, the tale of each girl who got here of age before everything of the women's flow within the 70s. It chronicles the win/loss cycles confronted by means of any girl who chooses to have either profession and family.
Entry from 1978: while I learn of pollutants and inflation and Rhodesia and Nicaragua, chills runs down my physique and i am scared, considering the realm to return, my very own monetary lack of confidence, and even if i actually are looking to deliver a toddler into this global. what is going to ensue to me if i do not turn into extra liable? it is all nice to be a tender “hippie-type” bureaucrat/lawyer. yet will that be adequate at fifty, and with the accountability for one more person? no longer massive concerns, yet sobering techniques in the course of my life-for-the-moment world.
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Realization that I normally associate love with pain. Or at least attach the words "in-love" with the dreadful feeling of anticipation of rejection. 3. The pattern repeats. I am involved with one person whom I let keep me from opening up my life the way I want it. But damn it. Who cares? It's my life and I'll order it as I please! So what if "people" think I'm climbing the social ladder to date Tim. If it makes me happy, it's my business. Tonight another small breakthrough. I understood that Cliff loses his place as "authority" figure as I get to be a better lawyer, so his hold over me goes away.
February 21, 1977 (The week of Dealing with Weight, maybe) 1. Fundamental truth: To constantly be jealous/envious of others' attributes, whether a skinny, talented Emmy Lou Harris or a "bright law clerk," is a fundamentally egocentric way of looking at the world. Page 19 2. Walking along Pease Park yesterday, I understood that money can't buy happiness. I was content to just be me. March 2, 1977 1. Food won't give me what it is I am craving. 2. Neither will being thin make me happy (although it's a contributing factor!
Personal limitations. I was catty, jealous about C and Cliff. But running to C and apologizing for the way I'd "thought" and talked to Kathie wouldn't really change that or atone, wouldn't make me perfect. That's why I go around justifying everything I do, if not to others, extensively to myself. I am so afraid of over-romanticizing Cliff. We really aren't at all alike. Not sure Paul is right on this onemaybe I shouldn't run away. March 10, 1977 Re-reading the last entry, I liked me! Today I started a crazy grapefruit/egg dietguaranteed to lose ten pounds in two weeks.
A woman's odyssey: journals, 1976-1992 by Linda Aaker